may i meander in your mind?
careful footfall among the budding

you have always been promising,
sowing our earth with  your grace

and i have no aim, just to wander...
and wonder about what saunters through that space

Vashti Bunyan sang in a soft whisper,
and now that mind is yours

now and again, i hear those supple strings,
she wished to walk, me to meander

because i want to know you deep,
those wants and wishes that words struggle to convey

there's a million in your mind
and if you'd let me,
i'd like to weave my way through all

tw: suicide

to drill another notch in this old belt,
i use the sharpest knife i can find
i point down and swivel and swivel
white knuckling, afraid of a slip and stab
when it pokes through, it is an ugly hole
it is not safe

but it keeps my pants up better
now i don't binge my hurt
and nicotine suppresses your appetite
but not my cravings for you
as you grip the belt and snap its center
the sting followed by a gentle caress
it is safe

my belts arch over a hanger in my closet
the buckles clink as i rummage through
to find something to impress strangers
these days i do not really think of the belt
as a weapon on myself
how it would feel around my neck
the red rising, neck bruising, mother's screams
it is dark

the connotations of the belt
as it touches my body
around my waist
my ass
my neck
to be all of these things
it is a terrific feat

may you dream of a heaven worth knowing
he wrote me as one day dissolved into the next
but does he know i already know that heaven?
in the curve of his collarbone
the river veins of his palms
the sweet agave of his laugh
the soft spring of his curls

I see God in between the sheets
a terrestrial dream, here awake
with the clouds resting above not below
so when i reach, i can feel their silk
i feel a divinity, a blessing, an eternity
as i feel you in this heaven you've shown me